Freshman Forty Confirmed

A new poll released by the Weight Watchers of America indicate a massive change in the mass climate of our nation.

The poll was emailed nationwide to campuses, businesses, home addresses and government institutions as part of 45th President Donald Trump's "Rosie O'Donnell Act" that requires a census of weight to be taken every four years. The poll asks general questions that pertain to weight and things thereof.

The poll finalized at 11 PM on May 9th 2022 and has garnered a great amount of attention due to the shocking results.

College freshmen, from the classes of '23 to '25 have been a majority of the responses, most likely due to the free Chik Fila coupon attached to the completion of the poll. These freshmen, based on their answers, have a 100% chance of gaining over 40 pounds in their first year of college.

These results compared with the same poll four years ago show that college freshmen are 433x more likely to gain over 40 pounds in their first year of college than the entire rest of America would in the same amount of time, combined.

Part of the reason? Meal plans. Meal plans are a scheme devised by universities to steal money from college students and benefit from the tax free income. These meal plans use a special type of currency that allows students to pay for on campus restaurants free of monetary charge.

According to the poll, 77% of college freshmen have meal plans and 98% of these freshmen use their meal plans to buy fast food on campus. The poll also shows that 69% of freshmen on campuses go to "town centers" for food.

What does this poll show? That Big Food will put restaurants everywhere to overfeed the masses, like pigs. Big Food does not care about the people, Big Food does not care about feeding people. All Big Food wants is to see people, especially college freshmen, gain weight.

The Associated Press Contributed to this Article