Hitler Found Alive (UPDATE 3) (EXCLUSIVE REPORT) (UNSEEN NEWS)
[PREVIOUS REPORT]
This is Raekor Dartmor reporting live from (North) Korea, Earth, The Milky Way. Over 150 years have passed since the tragic incident that was World War II. There have been reports that German overlord Adolf Hitler has been spotted in North America. Now this may seem unreal, but I can assure you that the Nazi Regime had access to the worlds most sophisticated technology to be seen. Adolf has seemingly taken up the position as the United States President. His wife, not the old model, the kind and gracious queen Elizabeth the 69th, has also been spotted at local schools giving messages about anti-drugs while smoking pot at the same time. She has been an incredible role model for teens who are depressed by introducing them to the wonderful world of anti-drugs. And pot. Mostly pot. Now back (to) Hitler. He has been spotted in the President's position and has boarded up the white house. He has taken Public Disgrace, Donald Trump as a hostage. He is planning to sacrifice him to the god of goats as a sacrifice for all of his wrongdoings. And us Americans, are doing nothing to stop him. Because who can (really) blame him right? I don't know when this message will be released to the public. I have many spies on my back currently and I'm taking refuge in the Mole Tunnels in Los Angeles. I need your help in spreading this information! Raekor Dartmor, Signing off.
[PREVIOUS UPDATE 1]
Hello, I don't have much time to say this, but the information must be spread. Hitler, sadly, failed to sacrifice Donald Trump to the Goat God, but he did end up bringing the restless spirit over to our world. Now the spirit has taken over the intercoms and... Oh no. It's listening in right now... I need to go. Raekor Dartmor s--
(an ominous bellow can be heard in the distance)
Oh sh--
[END OF PREVIOUS UPDATE 1]
[PREVIOUS UPDATE 2]
.... . .-.. .--. / -- . .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . .-.-.- / .... . .-.. .--. / -- . .-.-.- / .. - .----. ... / - .- -.- . -. / --- ...- . .-. / -- -.-- / -... --- -.. -.-- .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / .. / -.. --- -. .----. - / .... .- ...- . / -.-. --- -. - .-. --- .-.. / --- ...- . .-. / -- -.-- / .- -.-. - .. --- -. ... .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / ... --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / .--. .- .. -. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / .. / -.-. .- -. .----. - / - .- -.- . / .. - .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-
[END OF UPDATE 2]
[UPDATE 3]
--------- TRANSMISSION FROM BROADCAST 398 ---------
Jason Richter: Hey David? David Johnathan: Yeah? Jason Richter: Why are we so lucky? David Johnathan: What do you mean? Jason Richter: We have the best job, with the best pay, and the best colleagues in the world! Why are we so lucky? David Johnathan: I don't know, hey can you tell Nathan to turn that damn printer off? It's so loud I can barely hear myself think! Jason Richter: Wait, isn't the printer in repair for the next few we-- (AUDIBLE EXPLOSION) Jason Richter: HOLY HELL! David Johnathan: OPEN FIRE!!! (AUDIBLE GUNFIRE) Unidentified Organism: ... .. .-.. . -. -.-. . .--. ..- -. -.-- -- --- .-. - .- .-.. ... -·-·-- ..-. --- .-. .. .- -- --. .- .-. --. .- .-. --- - .... --··-- .- .-. -.-. .... -.. . -- --- -. ..-. .-. --- -- - .... . ... . ...- . -. .-. .. -. --. ... --- ..-. .... . .-.. .-.. --··-- .- -. -.. .. .... .- ...- . -.-. --- -- . - --- .... .- .-. ...- . ... - -.-- --- ..- .-. ... --- ..- .-.. - --- .--. --- .-- . .-. - .... . ... .- -.-. .-. .. ..-. .. -.-. .. .- .-.. .--. -.-- .-. . - .... .- - .-- .. .-.. .-.. -... .-. .. -. --. .... . .-.. .-.. - --- . .- .-. - .... -·-·-- -·-·-- -·-·-- ... ..- .-. .-. . -. -.. . .-. -. --- .-- --··-- --- .-. -.-- --- ..- .-- .. .-.. .-.. -.. .. . .- -- --- ... - .--. .- .. -. ..-. ..- .-.. .- -. -.. .- --. --- -. .. --.. .. -. --. -.. . .- - .... -·-·-- David Johnathan: (Speaking into radio) THIS IS AGENT D.V.D, Code R-- (ANOTHER AUDIBLE EXPLOSION RINGS IN THE BACKGROUND)
--------- END OF TRANSMISSION 398 --------- (Current debriefing of alienoid figure in the Pentagon)
CIA Presenter: As you can see, two of our agents were sabotaged in the middle of their break in Conference Room 1. CIA Director: Have we identified the threat? CIA Presenter: Yes... But... CIA Director: But? CIA Presenter: It's just... It's just the attacker looked like one of our targets, but he did not look... Himself. CIA Director: Himself? Can you elaborate Agent? CIA Presenter: Strange Abnormal Facial Features, Glowing red Retinas, Strange Mouth movements, all were present on the Attacker. CIA Director: You said we knew this person, he was one of our targets was he? Who?
(PRESENTATION SLIDE CLICK, NAME SHOWS ON SCREEN) CIA Director: Oh no... CIA Presenter: Yes. CIA Director: Send every agent we have to track him down. CIA Presenter: What should I tell them is happening? CIA Director: Tell them Dartmor is at it again. God help us all.
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2022: Hitler has taken corporeal form and jas faded from existence.
The Associated Press contributed to this article.